Saturday, May 27, 2017

What is love - 1

I don't why but I have found myself pondering this question lately. Today on a phone call, my friend said - "I love you and I will not judge you no matter what you do." and I thought perhaps that's love. Earlier this morning, I talked to a friend and she said - "Love is wanting the happiness of the loved one and constantly striving to keep them happy." When I think about some people in my life that I am sure about I love, I think that love is wanting their well being no matter what. When they mess up, I do judge them but I never stop wishing them well. I don't know how long-lasting love is but I did feel a pang of pain in my heart when I heard that my uncle who I have not talked to in perhaps 10 years was going through a lot of sadness. I was raring to hear that he is his happy jolly self again which made me wonder if it was love I felt for him or attachment to an image of a loving-happy-jolly uncle that I have preserved in my mind for many years.

So, the only thing that I am sure of is that when you love someone, you wish them well. The intensities and ways of doing it may differ but the basic intention remains the same.

To be continued...

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Ex-Machina and sexism

I remember the movie Ex-Machina and how it depicted a guy's fantasy woman being created into a very lifelike robot. She was capable of feeling emotions, feelings, and physical pleasure. So I asked a guy if he would date a woman like that. He would know that she is man-made but won't be able to tell in any other way and he said, "Yes". I was a little surprised because the answer was a very loud and clear no for me if I were ever asked the question.

This got me thinking why when it came to emulating what we desire sexually and romantically as a machine, the natural choice for the movie makers was a woman. This is what makes me think that the objectification of women is deeper than the 'result of years of brainwashing by advertising'. Maybe when men think about what they desire, it's just a combination of a set of attributes and responses. As long as it's strictly in the desire realm, it's an object that they are desiring. If I could get inside the mind of a guy who is the average of the mind of all guys on earth, in a moment when it's at the peak of sexual desire, I would like to check what's being perceived as the cause of this desire and how much humanity is attributed to it. Maybe it's worthwhile to do the same for women too. and not just the average, we would also want the whole range and the standard deviation too. But I think there is a fundamental difference between how we think about what./who we desire. 

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Love and power

"It's all about power. And love is the opposite of power. That's why we fear love so much.", said Karla to Lin in Shantaram....and I don't quite agree.

Monday, March 28, 2016

What did it not say

We just had an all-hands where the VP of our organization mentioned one of the things that have helped him a lot. He said that when reading a contract, pay attention to what is said but pay more attention to what is not said. Because what is said is largely written up to cover what is not said.

That's a good litmus test for life situations. I think one in a while, it's a good idea to think about what's not said. Now, in a normal context, that would mean a wild goose chase because what is no said comprises the universal set and you need some filtering to really make any sense out of it. So, when dealing with people in personal or professional contexts, think about the big concerns you have about them and then see what's being said in your interactions and if all your concerns are being addressed. If the other person has been evasive about something that concerns you, may be it's time to have a conversation about it. Go in for the conversation with a quiet mind and a good ear to listen well,

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Of kindness and courage

There are certain things I have come to realize over the past few months I have spent at home. First, it's difficult to care and love. It takes effort but if you can do that it makes you happy and improves your life. So, even when everything around seems hazy and uncertain, if you can have good intentions and keep doing things, you will be fine. Just believe in yourself and that you are capable of loving and worthy of love and connection. As Gary Zukav says in his book, it's not possible for anything in the universe to be unloved and unconnected. This also reminds me of what Cinderella's mom says to her in the Disney movie on her death bed - be kind and courageous. And the first step is to start with being kind to yourself.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Pause and observe

The last I appeared here, I was planning a party and cooking meals for 20-30 people. It was a good time. It was a good time. I loved my work, was really making progress with my running (6 miles a day....not bad....ehhh) and had good friends. I was also starting to realize things about myself. What makes me happy, what are my insecurities and complexes and so on. Then, in the month of July, it all came to a break and I had to shift base for reasons outside my control. I have a hypothesis that when I refuse to learn a lesson that life tries to teach me the first time, I get another opportunity to learn it again.

Last year during the summer, I was frustrated because I couldn't join work for a long time. I didn't focus on the beautiful city around me. So, this year I had to take a break from work and move back home. I guess this is the opportunity to learn myself and try to become what I have always aspired for. There are small things that I always aspired for but never really did them because I was lazy.  Now is the perfect opportunity to get those straight.

I also will be making travel plans for when I go back. The plan is to go backpacking through Europe. Yaay!

Monday, February 23, 2015

Men vs Women as party guests

Before I start writing the blogpost, I just want to send out the disclaimer that I am not a big fan of the Sheryl Sandberg school of Lean-In feminism. I do believe that women don't need to start behaving like men to make a mark for themselves. Or may be they do. May be all SS says is that IF you want to break the glass ceiling, watch out for these things that might be keeping you from attaining your goals. No matter, what the suggestion course of action for women is, I do believe that there is a marked difference in the way men and women perceive the world around them. No I am going in the broad sweeping generalization territory but men seem to come from a position of entitlement in most situations.

Now, coming back to the real point. I recently had a party and invited a bunch of my friends- men and women. It was a pretty homogeneous mix of MBA graduates working for big firms in their late twenties or early thirties. Most of them had were related to me by a shared workplace or grad school. So, I send out this invite announcing that I will be cooking. I heard from most women I invited asking whether I need any help from them. I heard from very few men and the only thing they asked about was whether I will have the live streaming for India vs South Africa world cup cricket match. You see the difference. Women felt grateful that someone was going to spend a day preparing for a party for them. Men took it as a given and wanted to know if they can enjoy the match or not. I do understand that men are more ardent fans of sports. But these guys didn't suggest the TV streaming as a solution they can help with. They didn't ask whether I would have a TV that accepted HDMI inputs. They just wanted to know if they can watch their match or why else would they waste their time. I know I am being a little harsh here but if you boil the reality to bare bones, harsh is what it sounds like.